It’s the most, wonderful time, of the year. Yes, gentle readers, it’s time to reveal what we think are (or should be) the new year’s resolutions of our local and national celebrities. Here are a few:
Mayor Michael Nutter: I will abandon all efforts to raise property taxes until the city collects every dollar owed by tax deadbeats.
Councilwoman Marian Tasco: I resolve to return to the city treasury the $478,000 in the fake-retirement DROP money I collected a year ago.
Teva pharmaceutical company: We resolve to change our minds yet again and build our huge plant at the old Budd company in Somerton.
Gov. Tom Corbett: I promise not to lose any sleep worrying that Allyson Schwartz will beat me in 2014.
New Jersey Gov. Christopher Christie: I will lose a few hundred pounds in my quest to become physically fit so I can fill the White House in four years.
Soon-to-be ex-Eagles head coach Andy Reid: I will lose a hundred pounds before I take the helm of another team.
Eagles owner Jeff Lurie: I will apologize to everyone who loves Man’s Best Friend for bringing Michael Vick to Philadelphia.
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell: I will resign in disgrace after blocking much of President Obama’s agenda but failing to block his re-election.
Willard Mitt Romney: I resolve to shock the tea party by admitting that I am a moderate at heart.
Newton Leroy Gingrich: I resolve to remain faithful to Callista.
William Jefferson Clinton: I resolve to remain faithful to whatshername.
Lindsay Lohan: I will stay out of trouble and stay out of the limelight.