Well, another tough year will go into the history books in less than 100 hours. What are our local and national movers and shakers planning for 2012? Here’s what some of them should be saying:
Mayor Nutter: I resolve to apologize for personally seeking private donations to contribute to ousted Schools Superintendent Arlene Ackerman’s $905,000 retirement fund.
Arlene Ackerman: I resolve to return my retirement money to the school district and cancel my application for unemployment compensation. This will prove my love for The Children.
Former Republican mayoral candidate John Featherman: I resolve to seize control of what’s left of the local Republican Party and build it into an organization that gives a damn about defeating Democrats.
The six DROP-infested City Council members who will leave office on Monday: We resolve to apologize to the people of Philadelphia to whom we gave the shaft.
The six freshman City Council members who will take office on Monday: We resolve to restore respect and dignity to this sub-mediocre legislative body.
Members of the Pennsylvania Legislature: We resolve to un-gerrymander the absurdly odd-shaped congressional and legislative districts.
U.S. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell: I resolve to do whatever it takes to make Barack Obama a one-term president, even if that means my fellow Republicans prevent an economic recovery to make him look bad.
All current Republican presidential candidates except Jon Huntsman: We resolve to drop out of the race so the best man for the job gets the nomination to run against President Obama in November.
Send letters to: firstname.lastname@example.org