‘Vegas’: Diaz and Kutcher don’t have it

At the Movies
By Senitra Horbrook

Ashton Kutcher as a slacker is a pretty easy sell. I’ll buy it; after all, he plays the same type of character in nearly every movie he makes. Now, Cameron Diaz as a Wall Street stockbroker is not so believable. Sorry, writer Dana Fox. I’m not buying what you’re selling with Diaz.
I also wasn’t buying the plot of What Happens in Vegas.
Much like the fictional careers of its main stars, What Happens in Vegas is another contrived romantic comedy, with an unlikely and predictable premise.
The best compliment I can come up with is that it’s not terrible. It’s a tolerable time-waster, maybe even a good date movie, as surely guys and girls can laugh at the petty hijinks between Kutcher and Diaz, who play two strangers who go to Vegas, meet, get drunk and get married in the course of a few hours.
Vegas is known for quickie marriages, and apparently no one sees fit to step in when two obviously intoxicated people want to walk down the aisle. The next morning, Jack (Kutcher) and Joy (Diaz) trade insults while agreeing to get an annulment. Then Jack puts Joy’s quarter in the slot machine and hits the jackpot, winning $3 million.
All of a sudden the enemies are forced to be lovers (OK, roommates), as Judge Whopper (Dennis Miller) sentences them to six months of hard marriage, and if they truly give the union a try and it doesn’t work out, then they get to divorce and split the money.
Instead of trying to peacefully coexist, each tries to make the other’s life miserable, and both try to find loopholes to get out of the marriage. Jack engages in such mature tactics as removing the toilet seat when Joy asks him to remember to keep the seat down, or removing the bathroom door when she won’t let him in first thing in the morning.
Joy is a nag who invites a bunch of women over in an effort to get Jack to cheat, so she can keep all the money. The despicable nature of the two characters doesn’t push them further apart. In predictable rom-com fashion, it draws them closer, and — naturally — the two begin falling for each other.
There are a few legitimate laughs in the movie, but not enough to make it something people should run out and see. It’s a rental at best. If you’ve seen any of Diaz’s or Kutcher’s past performances, this one will feel familiar. The movie’s supporting characters (movies like this always have the obligatory Best Friend) are good for more laughs than the two stars. Joy’s friend Tipper (Lake Bell) and Jack’s friend Hater (Rob Corddry) have some of the funniest scenes .
Aside from the contrived plot in What Happens in Vegas, another knock against the movie is that Kutcher and Diaz don’t have much chemistry. Their coupling felt forced. There’s only a five-year age difference (Kutcher’s 30, Diaz is 35), yet he looks (and acts) about five years younger and she looks five years older, making their pairing seem even more unnatural.
Yes, I do realize Kutcher is married to Demi Moore, who’s 14 years older. I know nothing about their personal life; I can only hope the romance between them isn’t as forced as the one that causes Kutcher and Diaz to doom What Happens in Vegas.
Movie Grade: C