I’ve always been fascinated by families with an abundance of children. I believe it began the first time I saw the movie Cheaper by the Dozen. I’m talking about the original, starring Clifton Webb and Myrna Loy, not the remake with Steve Martin and Bonnie Hunt. It’s unclear to me how Disney got away with calling its version a remake, because if you’ve seen both of these films, you know the only thing they have in common is that 12 children are involved.
The classic version is based on the real lives of Frank and Lillian Gilbreth, who became known not only for their expertise in time, motion and efficiency, but also for their penchant of cranking out children. The book the movie is based on was written by two of the 12 Gilbreth children, son Frank Jr. and daughter Ernestine. Their combined remembrances of growing up Gilbreth are filled with charm, humor and insight to how life was lived among a 14-member family during the first half of the last century.
It seems Frank Sr., an old-fashioned self-made man, got his start in life as a bricklayer and eventually became a building contractor — only to become a whiz at organizational behavior. His wife was no slouch either, having received a Ph.D. from Brown University, which paved the way to her career as an industrial psychologist, all while birthing a dozen kids.
Not a bad way to be remembered.
It appears as though I’m not the only one intrigued by these super-size broods. If you happen to watch The Learning Channel, there is almost no escaping it. TLC is currently running a series based on families with 12 or more children, entitled Kids by the Dozen. It features about a dozen families with a dozen or more kids, and the best part is that those of us with a mere average-size tribe can marvel at the challenges confronting all those people under one roof as they manage everyday chores like laundry, food shopping, making meals and surviving morning routines.
I’m not quite sure why I (and apparently many others) am so enthralled with this idea. Maybe it’s because I don’t think I’d have the ability to name 12 kids let alone give birth to them. And not to be indelicate, but where are these parents finding the time, not to mention the energy, to create all these little ones?
Perhaps this is the reason the Gilbreths became experts in efficiency and organizational behavior in the first place. To quote the book Cheaper by the Dozen, "Nothing was considered more of a sin in our house than wasted time and motions."
I can just hear it now. "Hey, Frank, how’s it goin’ with you and the Mrs. (wink, wink)?"
"Not a wasted moment or motion, thank you very much."
Maybe not such a great way to be remembered.
But if all this voyeuristic viewing is still not enough for me, I can always drop in on my friend Mindy. I got to know Mindy years ago while working as a manager at a salon she frequented. She was always smiling and happy to engage in conversation.
At the time, Mindy was very obviously pregnant. I remember asking how she was feeling, if her due date was approaching, and what number child this would be. As I picked my jaw up from the floor upon learning this would be her 11th, I peppered her with questions. My husband had been trying to convince me to go for our third. All of a sudden I felt like the world’s biggest wimp.
I mean, here was a woman about to give birth to child No. 11 and finding the time to have her hair highlighted. And I was still being wishy-washy about No. 3.
I’ll never forget Mindy’s sage advice: "You can never go wrong with having another baby."
And she couldn’t have been more right. After the birth of our third daughter, I briefly lost touch with Mindy, that is until two of our kids became friends in middle school. When our paths started to cross again, I finally had the chance to tell her what her simple words meant to me.
I won’t ever catch up to her in the kiddie department. But whether it’s Mindy or whether it’s Cheaper by the Dozen, I suppose if you can handle 12 kids, you can handle just about anything.
And that’s an awesome way to be remembered. •• Robyn McCloskey’s column appears each week in the Northeast Times. She can be reached at crmccloskey@verizon.net