Just be Billy Ray ...
a mullet is far easier

Robyn’s Hood
By Robyn McCloskey

When I asked my 7-year-old daughter Madeline what she wanted to be for Halloween this year, she gave me the same answer that every other 7-year-old girl on the planet probably gave to her mother:
I want to be Hannah Montana.
For those of you who have been living in a cave for the past year or do not share a home with a prepubescent female tweenager, Hannah Montana is the latest teen pop-star sensation churned out by the Disney Channel.
In real life she is Miley Cyrus, the adorable and surprisingly talented daughter of one-hit-wonder Billy Ray Cyrus, the mullet-sporting-achy-breaky-heart guy who hit the big time for a few hours in 1992.
Billy Ray has since updated his "do" and now joins his daughter in the phenomenally popular television show that revolves around the crazy antics of high school student by day, rock star by night Miley Stewart. He plays the dad, not much of an acting stretch, but if you’ve ever seen the two of them in action you can tell he loves every minute of watching his little girl have her turn at shining in the spotlight.
And shine she does, so much so that I recently heard on the news that tickets to her upcoming concert tour are being held ransom by scalpers for a mere $3,000. Since I haven’t won the lottery recently, and therefore will not be taking my daughter to Ms. Cyrus’ concert, I figured I could do my part and help promote the Hannah Montana publicity machine by allowing Maddy to dress as her for Halloween.
Besides, I know for a fact there are worse pop princesses out there that she could emulate. Maddy’s older sisters grew up just as Britney Spears was rocketing to fame as a former cherub-faced Mouseketeer. Now that she’s a once-divorced, once-annulled, party-hopping gal who has tried rehab — and even catapulted her ex, K-Fed, to the unlikely role of "better parent," for crying out loud — it makes the Miley Cyruses of this world a godsend.
So now I am on the hunt for the perfect Hannah Montana costume, a challenge that pits me against almost every other mother. Apparently it is the costume to be seen in this year, which explains why all of my local stores already are sold out.
I scoured the Internet, only to have amazon.com assure me that the complete ensemble could be at my front door by Nov. 14. Which is two weeks after Halloween. I’m trying to convince my daughter that we can scrounge up a costume at home. Like Hannah Montana, she already has long blonde hair, so we can forgo the wig, and I’m sure I can just glue some glitter onto a pair of old jeans to make them rock-star-like.
So far Maddy isn’t going for it.
Which got me to thinking . . . doesn’t anybody just throw a costume together anymore? Do they all have to be factory-manufactured, store-bought, highly flammable polypropylene? My husband recalls the days of borrowing one of his dad’s old flannel shirts, rubbing some charcoal on his face and going as a bum. Some years, to sound as if even more thought had been put into the costume, he’d use the term hobo.
But bums and hobos aren’t so widespread anymore, and it would be pretty politically incorrect to trick-or-treat as "a person who asks for change," as Madeline endearingly says. So I guess the days of a well-worn plaid shirt passing as a costume are long gone.
Which means I am under the gun to find the official Disney-issued Hannah Montana wig and costume. I did check the Disney Web site, which has a few in stock, but I am reluctant to pay $16.99 plus $8.99 for shipping and handling for a blonde wig for my blonde-haired daughter, and that doesn’t include the outfit.
I’m sure I will eventually crack under the pressure, though, and place my order. But I can’t help but think how much easier this would be if Miley Cyrus, instead of being a hard-working, talented and responsible role model for young girls, was just a plain old bum. ••
Robyn McCloskey’s column appears each week in the Northeast Times. She can be reached at crmccloskey@verizon.net