Tips for talking to your
aging parent about care

One of every eight Americans age 40 to 60 is currently raising children and caring for aging parents, according to the Pew Research Center. Until September 2006, Phyllis Abboud was one of them.
At least once a week, the Oxford Circle native needed to help her 84-year-old mother Ruth Gross with errands or other tasks. It was hard for Abboud, whose siblings live in other states and countries, to help her mom in addition to raising her three children.
But talking to her mom about moving into a senior facility went nowhere fast at first.
"She said, ‘I’m not ready,’" Abboud recalled.
Ben Pieczynski, vice president at Lafayette-Redeemer, understands that the discussion is difficult, but he thinks that children should start considering care options for their parents while they’re still fairly young and healthy.
"Many of the people still have their own kids and their parents have almost become another set of kids for them," he said.
To start the conversation, he suggests:
• Ask open-ended questions to yield more information about your parents’ wants and needs.
• Try not to judge or criticize your parents, even if you disagree with them.
• If you’re not making progress, involve additional family members, doctors or lawyers.
• Listen carefully to parents’ concerns instead of focusing only on your own.
• Avoid parenting your parents, and stay positive.
• Think safety first. If your parent’s physical or mental health is declining, or he or she needs assistance with activities of daily living such as dressing, taking medication and using the bathroom, don’t wait for an accident or crisis before stepping in.
Gross wound up moving into Lafayette-Redeemer in September 2006. She currently lives independently, but the facility offers graduated levels of care to meet her needs as she ages.
Abboud says adult children should broach the topic of retirement care in a way that fits their parents’ personality.
"My mother does not do too well with change," Abboud said. "She had to think about it." ••
For more information about Lafayette-Redeemer, call 215-214-2877.