It’s not the Hilton, but can
jail wake up darling Paris?

Robyn’s Hood
By Robyn McCloskey

When most of us over a certain age hear the words "We’ll always have Paris," we visualize the inimitable Humphrey Bogart as he gazes into the eyes of the beautiful and somber Ingrid Bergman, reassuring her that no matter where life may take them, no matter what choices they make, they will indeed "always have Paris."
Sadly, this little phrase that has gone down in cinematic history has a completely different meaning today. Unfortunately, it appears as though the Paris of Hilton fame has usurped the Paris of France fame, thereby usurping the Paris of Casablanca fame. I once saw an editorial cartoon where a teacher pointed to a large map and asked, "Can someone tell me where Paris is?"
"I think she’s summering in the Hamptons," replied the young girl in the front row.
I really don’t mean to jump on the Paris-bashing bandwagon. It’s too easy, too prevalent, too overdone . . . kind of like Paris. I want to feel bad for the girl. I want to feel bad for the family. But mostly I feel bad that I don’t really feel all that bad. Call me insensitive, call me uncaring (hey, I’ve been called worse), but I am having a hard time mustering any sympathy.
I know that the celebrity-driven media — and especially her own publicist — would like us to believe that the case of Ms. Hilton’s jail sentence is not black and white. But in the real world, where most of us live, when a judge orders you not to do something (such as violate your probation) and you do it anyway, you just might have to suffer some consequences.
I’m all for grace and mercy. But sometimes life boils down to an algebraic formula: If x=y, then the answer must be z. So according to the rules of algebra, Paris’ jail term is simply a matter of rational coefficients.
But maybe, just maybe, this could be the best thing that ever happened to Paris. Maybe a dose of real reality, as opposed to the television reality that she is so intimately familiar with, is just the sobering thing she needs. Maybe rattling her gilded cage with an iron-and-concrete one will knock some sense into her. Maybe next season, rather than starring in The Simple Life, she can show us more complex emotions by starring in The Cellblock Life.
I find it oddly reassuring knowing she had been safely ensconced behind bars with just a bed and three squares a day, whether she chose to eat them or not. Life doesn’t get much simpler than that. She was away from easy access to all the decadence this world has to offer, a world that Paris has had on a string.
Suppose she learned a life skill, like laundry or sweeping? Suppose she learned she can survive a summer weekend without club-hopping? Suppose she made some friends who really wouldn’t care whether they were photographed with her outside some trendy Hollywood hotspot?
Best of all, suppose she read a book?
The best thing that could happen is that our little Paris becomes a paradigm of virtue, sensing a tremendous opportunity to prove she is much more than just the pouty, personality-challenged heiress rolling in Hilton dough. That she is so much more than the star of a sex tape that was "accidentally" leaked to the media and also ended up on the Internet. That she needn’t measure self-worth by resorting to whatever outrageous conduct will rocket her past Lindsay and Britney and onto the front page.
Now that she has been freed from the Century Regional Detention Center in Lynwood, Calif., the paparazzi are doing their best to ensure that we will always have Paris. Hopefully, this time it’ll be a new and improved one. A wiser one who has come to understand that no matter how much money your mommy and daddy have, life still holds consequences. A more responsible one who will come to embrace the lessons that can help you learn and change and grow.
Where the predictable Miss Hilton is concerned, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Until then, here’s lookin’ at you, kid. ••
Robyn McCloskey’s column appears each week in the Northeast Times. She can be reached at crmccloskey@verizon.net