Editorial for December 21, 2006 edition:


Dear Santa

Our local movers and shakers are just as harried as Jolly Old Saint Nicholas these days. Just in case they forgot to forward their Christmas wish lists to dear old Santa, we want to help them out a bit. So, in the spirit of compassion and caring, we offer these suggestions on what the area bigwigs should ask for:
• Outgoing state House Speaker John Perzel: I wish to somehow maintain my position as the most powerful man of the House. Not to be greedy, Santa, but I also want you to persuade an overpaid tattoo artist from Center City, or an overpaid dairy farmer from Lancaster County, to run against me in 2008. I deserve to be state representative forever!
• Councilwoman Joan Krajewski: I wish for the good sense to stick with my decision to retire next year, and stop toying with the idea of going for another four years of listening to people’s problems. Santa, hon, I’ve paid my dues. Give me some rest and relaxation.
• Convicted felon and former Councilman Ricky Mariano: Get my prison sentence commuted to time served, Santa. I wanna get the (expletive deleted) out of Fort Dix!
• Congressman Bob Brady: I wish to be mayor of all the people. Now that Saidel’s out of the way, I’m ready to make John Street look like a bumbling fool.
• Mayor John Street: I wish big brother Milton stays out of prison. I also wish everybody drinks more water.
• Bianca Ryan: I wish for lifelong fame and fortune as Northeast Philly’s local girl turned national singing sensation. Please, Santa, see to it that I never get an inflated ego like Andrea McArdle.
• Philadelphia gamblers: We wish to avoid losing our shirts to the one-armed bandits.
• Somerton Civic Association president Mary Jane Hazell: I wish for the Woodhaven Road extension to be built before I move on to my next crusade. ••

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